Household Constraint Map

For the method in Mapping Constraints When a Partnership Is Under Load. Each partner fills in their own section separately, before comparing.

Not for

Deciding who is contributing more, or ranking whose constraints are harder. This map is for naming limits, not scoring effort.

Partner A: my constraint list (fill in alone)

Fixed (cannot change in the next month):

Semi-flexible (could shift with effort or cost):

Flexible (could change this week if we agreed to):

Partner B: my constraint list (fill in alone)

Fixed (cannot change in the next month):

Semi-flexible (could shift with effort or cost):

Flexible (could change this week if we agreed to):

After comparing: pick one friction point

The single most-contested item right now:

One-week experiment

• Who does what, exactly:
• Start date / end date:
• Check-in question (answer honestly, Friday or end of week):

End-of-week answers:

• Partner A:
• Partner B:

Decision: ☐ Keep it ☐ Adjust and retry ☐ Drop it, try a different friction point

Common pitfalls to avoid

• We drafted our lists separately, not together
• We are only running one experiment at a time
• We are treating a failed experiment as information, not a verdict on either of us
• We answered the check-in question even though the week “felt fine”

The two prompts to reuse

1. Build a constraint list

Help me turn this rough list of what's constraining my time and energy
right now into a short, factual constraint list. Group into: fixed
(cannot change in the next month), semi-flexible (could shift with
effort or cost), and flexible (could change this week if we agreed to).
Do not add commentary on whether these are reasonable — just organize
what I gave you.

My rough list: [paste your notes]

2. Design a one-week experiment

Given these two constraint maps [paste both], help us design one
one-week experiment for [specific friction point]. The experiment
should: name exactly who does what, run for one week only, and include
one specific check-in question we'll both answer honestly at the end
of the week. Do not propose a permanent solution yet — we're testing,
not deciding.

If this keeps turning into blame

If the conversation keeps returning to blame rather than constraints, or either partner feels controlled or unsafe raising their own list, stop using this map — see Prepare for a Hard Conversation Without Making AI the Referee.