# Household Constraint Map

For the method in
[Mapping Constraints When a Partnership Is Under Load](/articles/partnership-under-load-constraints).
Each partner fills in their own section separately, before comparing.

## Not for

Deciding who is contributing more, or ranking whose constraints are harder. This map is for
naming limits, not scoring effort.

## Partner A: my constraint list (fill in alone)

**Fixed (cannot change in the next month):**

-
-

**Semi-flexible (could shift with effort or cost):**

-
-

**Flexible (could change this week if we agreed to):**

-
-

## Partner B: my constraint list (fill in alone)

**Fixed (cannot change in the next month):**

-
-

**Semi-flexible (could shift with effort or cost):**

-
-

**Flexible (could change this week if we agreed to):**

-
-

## After comparing: pick one friction point

**The single most-contested item right now:**

## One-week experiment

- **Who does what, exactly:**
- **Start date / end date:**
- **Check-in question (answer honestly, Friday or end of week):**

| Day | Notes (optional, just enough to remember by Friday) |
| --- | --- |
| Mon | |
| Tue | |
| Wed | |
| Thu | |
| Fri | |

**End-of-week answers:**

- Partner A:
- Partner B:

**Decision:** ☐ Keep it ☐ Adjust and retry ☐ Drop it, try a different friction point

## Common pitfalls to avoid

- [ ] We drafted our lists separately, not together
- [ ] We are only running one experiment at a time
- [ ] We are treating a failed experiment as information, not a verdict on either of us
- [ ] We answered the check-in question even though the week "felt fine"

## The two prompts to reuse

**1. Build a constraint list**

```text
Help me turn this rough list of what's constraining my time and energy
right now into a short, factual constraint list. Group into: fixed
(cannot change in the next month), semi-flexible (could shift with
effort or cost), and flexible (could change this week if we agreed to).
Do not add commentary on whether these are reasonable — just organize
what I gave you.

My rough list: [paste your notes]
```

**2. Design a one-week experiment**

```text
Given these two constraint maps [paste both], help us design one
one-week experiment for [specific friction point]. The experiment
should: name exactly who does what, run for one week only, and include
one specific check-in question we'll both answer honestly at the end
of the week. Do not propose a permanent solution yet — we're testing,
not deciding.
```

## If this keeps turning into blame

If the conversation keeps returning to blame rather than constraints, or either partner feels
controlled or unsafe raising their own list, stop using this map — see
[Prepare for a Hard Conversation Without Making AI the Referee](/articles/prepare-for-conflict-not-ai-referee).