# Human Repair and Apology Checklist

Use with [Why Repair and Apology Stay Human](/articles/repair-and-apology-stay-human).

## The six components of an effective apology

Research on trust repair identifies six components. More components, present and genuine, make an
apology more effective:

- [ ] Expression of regret
- [ ] Explanation of what went wrong (not an excuse)
- [ ] Acknowledgment of responsibility (the single most important component)
- [ ] Declaration of intent to change
- [ ] Offer of repair
- [ ] Request for forgiveness

## Draft-check prompt

```text
Here is a draft apology I've written: [paste draft]. Check it against
these six elements: expression of regret, explanation, acknowledgment
of responsibility, declaration of intent to change, offer of repair,
and request for forgiveness. Tell me which are present and which are
missing. Do not rewrite my apology for me or add sentiment I did not
express.
```

## The human-repair checklist

| Step | Who does it |
| --- | --- |
| Deciding what you are actually responsible for | You, alone, before drafting anything |
| Drafting language to express that clearly | You, with AI help if wording is hard |
| Checking the draft against the six-component structure | AI can flag gaps; you decide what's true |
| Delivering the apology | You, in person or in your own voice, never relayed |
| Following through with changed behavior | You, over time — this cannot be drafted at all |

## Before you send anything

- [ ] I wrote the first draft myself, however clumsy.
- [ ] I did not ask AI to supply regret or intent I do not actually feel.
- [ ] I am delivering this myself, not through an AI-drafted relay message.
- [ ] I have a concrete idea of what I will do differently, not just what I will say.

## What this cannot do

AI can help you find clearer words for an apology you already mean. It cannot feel the regret, deliver
the message, negotiate the repair, or do the ongoing behavior change that makes an apology mean anything
over time.