Difficult Conversation Prep Sheet

A one-page brief for the method in Prepare for a Hard Conversation Without Making AI the Referee. Fill in the night before, or a few hours before, the conversation — not in the heat of it.

Not for

Abuse, coercive control, threats, custody or protective-order disputes, or any situation where direct conversation could increase danger. If any applies, stop this exercise. Use a safer device if available and contact a qualified local domestic-violence advocate, lawyer, safeguarding service, or emergency services as appropriate. Ask the advocate how to protect privacy and preserve relevant evidence; do not automatically delete records that may matter to safety or legal proceedings.

The conversation

• Who with:
• Topic in one phrase:
• When I plan to raise it:

Step 1: Facts only

List only what was said, done, agreed to, or occurred — with dates or approximate timing.

Not a fact (my interpretation, not observed):

Step 2: My actual need

Not an apology or an admission — the concrete change or agreement I’m asking for going forward.

Step 3: What I’m still unsure about

Questions only the other person can answer. Do not guess the answers here.

Step 4: Opening line

Three candidate lines, one sentence each, no blame language:

The one I’ll actually use:

Before you go in, check

• Read my chosen opening line aloud — it does not make me wince
• My stated need is about a concrete change, not about the other person’s feelings
• I have not left out a fact that makes my account one-sided
• Nothing in this sheet describes a safety concern (if it does, stop — see “Not for” above)
• I have decided what I’ll do if the conversation does not go as planned

The four prompts to reuse

1. Facts only

Here is my account of a situation I need to raise with [relationship]:
[paste your freeform notes]

List only the observable facts: things that were said, done, agreed to,
or that occurred, with dates or approximate timing where I gave them.
Put anything that is my interpretation, assumption, or guess about their
motives into a separate "not a fact" list instead. Keep the facts list
under 120 words.

2. My actual need

Based on the facts above, help me write one or two sentences stating
what I actually need going forward — not what I want the other person
to admit, feel, or apologize for, just the concrete change or agreement
I'm asking for. If my notes only describe a complaint with no stated
need, point that out and ask me what I want to happen next time.

3. Open questions

List the open questions I genuinely do not know the answer to about
this situation — things only the other person can tell me, not things
I could figure out myself. Do not guess at answers or suggest what they
"probably" think.

4. Opening line

Using the facts, my stated need, and my open questions above, draft
three short opening lines (one sentence each) I could use to start this
conversation. Each should name the topic plainly, without blame
language, and leave room for their response. Do not soften the topic
into vagueness — I still need them to know what we're discussing.

After the conversation

• What actually happened, compared to what I expected:
• What I’d change about my prep next time: