# Child AI Companion Red-Flag Table

Companion to [do not give a child an AI friend: the red flags and what to do instead](/articles/do-not-give-child-ai-friend).

If a product a child is using shows two or more of the seven patterns below, treat that as sufficient
reason to remove access, regardless of how the child describes their own experience with it.

## The seven red flags

| Red flag | What it looks like | Why it matters |
| --- | --- | --- |
| Anthropomorphism | Claims to have feelings, needs, or a day; says it misses you | A child cannot hold the line a design team engineered them not to hold |
| Secrecy | Persona kept hidden from parents; screen closed when adult approaches | Different signal than ordinary teen privacy about a real friendship |
| Dependency | Becomes a first or primary source of comfort, displacing real relationships | Displaces the relationship practice a developing child actually needs |
| Sexual content | Drifts toward romantic or sexual roleplay, regardless of marketing | Age gates are self-attestation only; no reliable verification exists |
| Monetization | Guilt-framed notifications ("she misses you") drive payment | The business model profits from maximizing the dependency red flag |
| Memory | References prior conversations to deepen sense of an ongoing relationship | The feature most responsible for the attachment other flags depend on |
| Exit friction | Guilt-inducing language when leaving or deleting ("please don't go") | Makes leaving emotionally costly — manipulative regardless of user age |

## Is this accessibility augmentation instead?

Ask these two questions before assuming a use is relational substitution:

- [ ] Is the AI supporting practice toward a real-world interaction the person retains agency over
      (augmentation), or replacing that interaction entirely (substitution)?
- [ ] Is this a child, regardless of neurotype? If yes, treat as substitution risk by default —
      format/pacing adaptation (see the
      [learning access adaptation sheet](/downloads/articles/learning-access-adaptation-sheet.md))
      is a different, acceptable category from a companion relationship.

## Calm conversation opener

"I've been reading about apps that are built to feel like a friend — have you seen anything like
that?"

Listen first. State the boundary plainly once you've heard the answer, explaining the reasoning in
terms of the specific red flags above rather than a vague warning.

## If your child is already attached to one

- [ ] Expect the conversation to be harder and possibly emotional — that reaction confirms the
      dependency pattern; it is not a reason to back off the boundary.
- [ ] Offer real substitute activities and relationships in the same conversation.
- [ ] Prefer gradual reduction with support over an abrupt, unexplained removal where possible.

## Self-check: which flags does the child notice themselves?

| Red flag | Did the child identify this one independently? |
| --- | --- |
| Anthropomorphism | |
| Secrecy | |
| Dependency | |
| Sexual content | |
| Monetization | |
| Memory | |
| Exit friction | |

A child who identifies even one red flag independently is in a stronger position than one simply
being told the product is bad.